Is life supposed to be this hard?(Soft life gone wrong)

My mood right now

I love and want a soft life, but I don’t live one.

It’s _______pm now, and I just want to rant what I have to. Apparently, life is not supposed to be this hard, but it is😞

Hi people, long see no time😅. If someone told me that I would be putting out a piece tonight, I would have argued and agreed to bet a thousand naira, because I was so sure I won’t be here till July, but here I am.

I’m here to rant by the way. Not life lessons, but life sheges. This is I’m here to rant by the way. This is 9:41pm on a Thursday night, a night I’m supposed to use to wind down after days of stress, of exam preparations, of a scattered circadian rhythm, of reading despite the sheges of irregular light and this “Canadian like weather". This is the night I planned to spoil myself with a home made meal, wash my clothes and sleep like a baby for at least 8 hours before “I go again” because there is no rest here, literally

Yeah, I’ve come to accept that as my reality.

The next time I will be free like I am today in approximately 5 weeks, so today that was supposed to be a rest day between one exam, and a round of back to back exams coming soon, turned out really tiring. Of course, for the past few weeks, I have almost always been tired, either mentally, emotionally, or physically, but today seemed to top it all.

I think I should give a little backstory:

I had an exam today, slated for 9am. I had one 9 days ago, and between then and today, I had a bulk of materials and past questions to read. Read for the first time, not revise. Of course, nothing is impossible in this department of mine,another lesson I’ve learnt.

After my exam last week, I had the time of my life at a send off kind of party, and the next day was for my books, the only thing I seem to regularly do now. I had to start preventive antimalaria drugs the day I had to go back to my books, I finished it on Saturday morning, and started having frequent headaches on Monday evening. How?????

I blame it on the formalin used during our practicals. Normally, we were used to staying in a formalin-smell filled space and smelling like formalin twice a week, but Monday’s was especially terrible for me. I had headaches occasionally from Monday evening till Wednesday evening (yesterday) when I took paracetamol.

In the middle of all these, guess who started purging on Tuesday morning.

Me.

I don’t know what made the headaches happen, and I don’t have the strength to find out. Maybe it was the lack of enough rest in taking my medications, or the stress. Let’s leave that and come back to my purging.

This is the first time I think I have actually purged since I have started to understand things. I have seen people talk about constant defecation, but I could not relate. The frequency is a surprise to me too. I am on my bed now, at 10:16pm and I am honestly tired. I am drained, I am drained, I have lost energy, I have lost physical strength. I am angry too.

To think I could not and still cannot do any of the things I listed in my chat 🥺

I am so pissed that words can’t express how annoyed I am.

I don’t know what you have experienced or heard about purging, but can you think of the frequency of purging you have heard about(the number of times a person purges) in a day.

Have you done that?

Multiply it by 2. That’s most likely the number of times I have used the toilet today.

Yes, I said what I said.

Yesterday’s and the day before was better than this, I didn’t even take it that serious, but today’s purging? I am tired. I am drained. O ti sumi.

As if the universe is in agreement to torture me today in different aspects, I also had headaches once or twice as a result of the emptiness of my bowel.

This is 10:26pm, and I feel like there is absolutely nothing left in my bowel anymore, despite having taken three pills of flagyl at different times of the day.

Some around me say that my body is reacting to something new, but I wonder: is it the bread, the garri, the coco balls and milk, or rice and plantain that is about to grow on my head that is new to me?

Or is it a collective consequence of a change in my eating habits, especially filling my stomach with parle G biscuits, almost a half pack of splash sweet, the “chemical containing coloring" in the chewing gums I chewed to stay awake, the potato chips, the peanuts, or the endless number of doughnuts I have eaten?

As if the purging is not enough shege for the day,

• I lost my torchlight(the story for that is another day). The way I forget trivial things in the scheme of things these days is alarming. This is really painful, and I am really hurt.
• I had to go retrieve my phone’s charger and lamp’s charger at the school library because somehow, I forgot to take them from the library yesterday.
• I have an assignment not halfway done that must be submitted tomorrow.
• I could not do anything in preparation for my exam.
• I have a major exam starting in eighteen days, and there is a lot to do.
• I feel like I’m not really reciprocating my close aquaintances and friends' energy the way I should. It’s not intentional, I promise.

This brings me to the point of realization that this friendship thing is hard, and I’m just getting used to it. How do you guys navigate it?

The summary of my day

Some of my mates watched movies today before going again tomorrow, others read non academic books, others played games, still others rested and slept well.

Guess who has done none since 11am that my exam ended?

Me.

One day, I’ll talk about academically related sheges, because those? They are on a different level.

One thing I’m grateful for, is that I did not feel the urge to purge while writing my exam, and while I was out for about three hours in the early evening. That would have been really terrible, I do not even want the thought to cross my mind.

For now, I’ll leave you to telling me how you cope with any of my sheges, if you’ve experienced any.

I’ll leave you to clapping as many as 50 times, and sharing with others too.

It’s 10:58pm now and I need to sleep to at least gain my physical strength.

Till my next proper medium moment, adios👋